Cases are on the rise in Alabama with just over 700 cases added Tuesday alone. Closing various businesses has not worked to reduce case counts so the state will now be mandating an underwater mask ordinance. Pools, lakes, and bathtubs have been a major contributor to the spread of Covid-19 with the biggest hotbed being Walker County. When asked about the current out break the Jasper mayor stated “We had no idea swimming in green water would cause such a problem with Covid, Roll Tide”. The new mask mandate has been estimated to reduce the death toll by 0.000000314529%. The Alabama Department of Public Health hopes this new measure will slow the spread so they do no have to take more drastic measures like banning saggy pants or outlawing pinneapples on pizza.
This article is for satirical purposes only.